jh2fct’s posterous

I have an undergraduate degree in Philosophy of Religion with a minor in Mathematics. Interesting combination don't you think. That is what happens when you take what you like until your senior year and then decide to major in it. But that is a different story...

It has ruined my life.

I cannot go to church and listen to the sermon in blissful ignorance of the biblical history, studies, interpretation of the biblical Greek and Hebrew that flood my mind with each reference he makes. I cannot attend without pencil and paper diagramming, dissecting and earmarking sections for follow-up study. I can not just sit and listen. I have to learn. I cannot keep myself from it. I have tried only to find my hand itching for pen and paper.

I cannot watch a movie and be simply entertained. I catch all of the literary references. I catch all of the tiny messages. I catch all of the innuendo that goes into every line. I hear the references to the literary, historical, theological and philosophical greats. Again I suffer to learn. During the newest Star Trek movie I found myself itching for pen and paper. I wanted to jot down things they said and earmark them for follow up study. I could not just listen, watch and be entertained. I could not keep myself from it.

I see things differently. I embrace change. I find interest in learning what I do not know. I find value in conversation with those who believe differently than I. Not that I might convert them but rather that I may learn more about my own beliefs.

My study drives me to excel. It will not let me wallow in mediocrity. I cannot satisfy myself without the challenge of learning, researching and reflection.

Ah it is reflection that gets me the most.

I am driven by 4 questions:

Who are you? What do you want? Why are you here? What difference does it make?

They leave me unsatisfied with myself. They will not let me rest. They haunt all I do or see.

I cannot escape them. I have no peace.

Perhaps if I did not have my degree. Then I could rest.